1. |
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For many years I wondered
now I think I know
an artificial intelligence
is running the show
It cycles when I slumber
it boots up when I rise
it tells me I'm not worthy
and predicts my demise
I've got a bug in my brain
driving me insane
trying to explain
the bug in my brain
Get it out!
Who planted it I don't know
I'm yanked in circles when I ask
it fills my head with static
as it queues another task
I see all the smiling people
not a worry on their page
but bait them in the darkness
and you'll choke on their rage
I've got a bug in my brain
driving me insane
trying to explain
the bug in my brain
Let it out!
Just because you think a thought, doesn't mean it's true
Just because it's from inside, doesn't mean it's you
I think I broke the off-switch
'cause the voices never stop
But if I sit alone and listen
I hear a rhythm to the thoughts
It's like a Pollock painting
at first it seems a random joke
but caress its pebbly surface
and you'll trace a branching oak
I've got a bug in my brain
driving me insane
trying to explain
the bug in my brain
Let it shout!
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2. |
Self: Gold Star
03:42
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In Kindergarten class I learned to fly
teacher's top drawer held the passport to my high.
A sheet of gold stars for when we shined
sorting left from right, finding words that rhymed.
I wanna earn that gold star
so they'll see what I'm made of
'cause when I earn that gold star
I will be loved
Goofing with the glue, dripping runny white snot
Ben and Gus giggled, teacher did not.
But I won her too when I stood up to recite
the Pledge of Allegiance and got every word right.
Oh, how I love my gold star
come and see what I'm made of
as long as I've got my gold star
I will be loved
Feeling kind of played
like a puppet on a string
singing for my supper
like a jester to a king
I'm on top now
but the tide can turn fast
I wanna find a way to make it last
On my fifth sheet of paper botching Superman's 'S'
five minutes into recess I'm the only one left.
I see the kids outside, laughing, playing tag
it's not a game I'll win, but I've got legs
so I might as well join them and go play.
I don't need this gold star
to know what I'm made of
'cause underneath this gold star
I'm made of love
you're made of love
every single one of us
is made of love
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3. |
Acceptance: Colors
03:48
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Some days the gods smile on me
pouring sunshine on the land.
The world's my private oyster
spilling pearls into my hand.
But other days are darker
my mouth is full of soot.
My words are slurred and mumbled
I drop anvils on each foot.
But I'll take 'em both, the bright and dark, before I take the gray.
So give me red, give me green, and the biggest grin you've ever seen.
Give me all the colors I know how to feel.
Give me blue, give me brown, lift me up and slam me down --
Let me get a grip on everything that's real.
Cause I don't want to face
the endless smear of gray
So give me all the colors every single day.
Now the gray can seem so promising
when it promises no pain.
Smooth the hills into the valleys
so you trod an even plain.
But in that land of twilight
I find it hard to tell
What's water and what's poison
'cause heaven tastes like hell.
That's why I'll take the bright and dark, before I take the gray.
So give me red, give me green, and the biggest grin you've ever seen.
Give me all the colors I know how to feel.
Give me blue, give me brown, lift me up and slam me down --
Let me get a grip on everything that's real.
Cause I don't want to face
the endless smear of gray
So give me all the colors every single day.
Now I don't seek the downpour
I'd just as soon stay dry.
But it's hard to feel the sunshine
when I avoid the sky.
So if I want to see the heavens
and I am tangled in a wood
I've gotta get good at feeling
'stead of trying to just feel good.
That's how I'll see the bright and dark, instead of only gray.
So give me red, give me green, and the biggest grin you've ever seen.
Give me all the colors I know how to feel.
Give me blue, give me brown, lift me up and slam me down --
Let me get a grip on everything that's real.
Cause I don't want to face
the endless smear of gray
So give me all the colors every single day.
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4. |
Presence: Speed of Life
05:32
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How did I get to this place?
What wrong turn brought me here?
What kind of fool must I be?
Only a loser cannot steer.
What dark roads lie ahead?
What new terrors must I face?
I don't think I can survive
an even worse place.
Well I can't see straight
if I don't look around
you know I can't speed up
and oh no I can't slow down
This is the speed of life
this is the unending now
this is my chance to believe
I can make it somehow
I almost missed that last curve
I almost hit that passing car
I'm too busy looking at the map
to see where we are.
There's a road sign blinking up ahead
but the flashing light is too strong.
You take the wheel while I close my eyes
figure out where it all went wrong.
Well I can't see straight
if I don't look around
you know I can't speed up
and oh no I can't slow down
This is the speed of life
this is the unending now
this is my chance to believe
I can make it somehow
I see a hazy mountain
I hear a passing train
I feel my sweating palms
I smell concrete wet with rain
I taste my mid-day meal
I feel this small snug space
Here I am, forever,
anchored to my place
You know we're moving kind of fast
I don't think it hit me before.
Has the outdoors always looked like this, brand-new, sun-kissed?
Like some kind of great big garden store.
The road is rough and torn
it's jerking me from my seat.
But even with all this up and down, bouncing around
I see the sign to our street.
Well I can't see straight
if I don't look around
you know I can't speed up
and oh no I can't slow down
This is the speed of life
this is the unending now
this is my chance to believe
I can make it somehow
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5. |
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I was told there is a mighty book
on the lap of God.
With a chisel for a pencil
he inscribes his sacred log.
Every moment He is watching,
always weighing every deed.
Marking when I'm worthy
and when I sink into my needs.
I've been working for the record
busy counting up my score
but when you're working for the record
your whole life is one long chore
So I traded in my hymnal
for the hottest self-help tome.
And I learned that these commandments
are made of clay instead of stone.
So now that I make my own rules
I should be done with all the shame.
But why do I hide my face
when I'm behind in this new game?
I'm still working for the record
still busy counting up my score
but when you're working for the record
your whole life is one long chore
Does this journey have an end?
And if I get there, how will I know?
Will I be met with feasting?
A hundred trumpets?
A splendid show?
If I die tomorrow, will I be proud of what I've done?
Can I take them with me
all these victories I've won?
I think I'll grow a garden
in this patch of ragged land.
I won't win any ribbons
but I like the dirt between my hands.
And if someone is watching,
and that someone's keeping score --
I hope that when they judge me
they look at what I'm living for.
'Cause I'm through working for the record
I'm done counting up my score
'cause when you're working for the record
your whole life is one long chore
and there's so much more
you could be living for
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6. |
Action: Do It Anyway
05:11
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When you're too tired to sleep
and the thought of getting up makes you weep.
When you've gotta climb one more hill
but your legs refuse your will.
I know I've got no right to ask
you to take on this hopeless task
I know you're right when you say
you can't do anymore today
but do it anyway.
Do it anyway.
When the mirror shows your age
and they're calling you back to the stage.
When your belly bloats with fear
and you'd rather be anywhere than here.
I know I've got no right to ask
you to take on this hopeless task
I know you're right when you say
you can't do anymore today
but do it anyway.
Do it anyway.
I'm not saying that you can
There is no secret sauce and I've got no plan
but do it anyway.
Do it anyway.
When your child cries for days
and you can't see through the haze.
When they've shredded up your last nerve
and you see the crash ahead, but you can't swerve.
I know I've got no right to ask
you to take on this hopeless task
I know you're right when you say
you can't do anymore today
but do it anyway.
Do it anyway.
Do it anyway,
do it anyway,
do it anyway.
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Scott McKinstry Edmonds, Washington
Scott McKinstry is a singer-songwriter living in the Pacific Northwest.
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